Collectiv Balance: Why we have to stop making excuses in our thirties



Collectiv Balance

We spent our twenties tripping, stumbling , bruising and going through the trials and tribulations of young adulthood. We laughed, we cried, but most of all we learned. A hell a lot, may I add. All of those bruises became life lessons. So we add them to chapter 29. We close volume one of life. Then we open a new book that starts with chapter 30. Volume two: self awareness. This chapter is about taking everything you learned in your twenties and applying it to a more successful thirties. 


So why do we still feel 29? 


It's because we hide in the comfort zone of excuses. We make excuses for why he doesn't love you. We make excuses for that toxic friend. We make excuses for why we can't take that "much needed" vacay. Or even worst, why we can't keep our savings account above the hundred dollar minimum. 


The interesting thing about 30 , is you feel these decisions more immensely now.  You know when you aren't living in your truth. When you aren't yourself. You feel it and it makes you uncomfortable.  Unlike , your 20s , you truly understand , that you do NOT have to take this bull. 


Here is where we have to be honest: stop making excuses. You can deny it , you can justify it, it just needs to stop. We've been through so much already in our twenties. Our first heart break. Built a little debt. Added friends, lost friends. So here we are :thirty. It took a whole decade of lessons. So now you can apply them to a much more successful decade of the thirties. Here's how we will stop making excuses and start yielding results:

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1. Time: Something weird happened in our "thirty" transition. Time became extinct. We don't know how to manage it. We are probably having a mental breakdown trying to balance it all. So you have that one Saturday night available, you plan a dinner with your girlfriend. You are looking forward to this one night out the month , to release, turn up, act a fool, or maybe just have some wine. What happens.....she cancels. We had ten minutes to chat on the phone , we call our best friend, they spend the entire ten minutes complaining. We were able to squeeze in a hour for happy hour, our friend shows up late. Time. The concept is so familiar , yet so misused. As we turn thirty , time becomes of an essence. We appreciate every second. We do our best to balance. Life has given us more responsibility. So now , time , which we had so much of in our twenties, has become precious. Stop surrounding yourself with people who waste your valuable, precious, time. Align yourself with people who value your time , as much as you value theirs. People who understand how multifaceted life has become. Stop making excuses for people who waste your time. 




2) Stop making people your priority , who view you as an option: relationships are going to become important as you get older. You're key players will be your foundation, your livelihood. Whether it's your love life or your social circle. You really have to reevaluate who you are surrounding yourself with. Do these people love you deeply? Do they want to see you excel in life genuinely? Are they toxic, negative? Do they reciprocate  the love you emit? If you answer no to any of these , cut them. It's hard. It has to happen. Here is where we make excuses most. You will always have to compromise in relationships. However, if you find yourself compromising more than your friends/ lover, re-evaluate. Stop making excuses for people who don't value your relationship. 

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3. He's just not that into you: you will know if he loves you. You will know if he cares. If your a secret , there's a problem. If he doesn't express how he feels, there's a problem. If you are unsure your status, there's a problem. Men are natural hunters , if he's on the chase for your heart, you will know. There will be no confusion, no lies, no pain. He loves you and you will know. stop making excuses for his behavior. Call it what it is...



4.  Save money: open up that ira, cd account or mutual fund. It's long overdue. It's not too late. Take a month off from socializing. Pay off that credit card. Most of all: build financial stability. Stop waiting for the perfect time to save money. Stop making excuses on why it can get done.  Pay yourself First. Save. 



5. Stop waiting to quit: once you start to save, (Refer to 4), you may be able to make the leap. Diamonds are formed in pressure. If you continue to wait, it's never going to happen. We should always wait until we find a new job before quitting. However , comfort zones are very comfortable. So no matter how much we hate a job, we will make excuses about why we are still there. Are you actively seeking new employment ? We can't spend 40+ hours of our life's hating something. It's unhealthy. Stop making excuses, quit or find a new job. 


We are now at a defining decade. Thirty. Let's make it pleasant. Let's grow. Let's learn. Most of all let's stop making excuses for the things that cause us pain. 

Collectiv Relationships: The three non-negotiables



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I recently watched an amazing Ted Talk about relationships and why they failed. Part of the ted talk the speaker expressed the seriousness of having three non-negotiables. We make a lot of sacrifices and relationships are all about compromise. However, the sooner we can be truthful with ourselves in our neccesities, the sooner we can communicate that to our partner. This can save you alot of trouble in the earlier stages. So what are your three non-negotiables in traits you look for in a partner? Think about it. Here are mine:



Romance and affection is a connected way of communicating emotionally. It's healthy to constantly send this frequencies and signals to your partner. Romance + affection = heightened passion. A passionate relationships creates a fire inside. This fire will keep the warmth and magic alive in the relationship, long after the honey moon phase. Pay attention to his touch. What is it telling you. Is he removed , distant, keeping you in friend zone. Or does he express his love and desire for you. Can't keep his hands off you. Wants you close. At night holds you periodically. Look at the signs. 



Strong communication

Communication is key for a successful relationship. A strong communicator doesn't listen so he can respond, he listens so he can process. It's important that we respect and understand each other's feelings. When we listen to process, we are really paying attention to how we affected each other and how we can be a better partner. It is not your job to tell your partner how they should feel. It is your job to communicate and thoroughly resolve the issue at hand. Strong communication saves years of arguments and lost in translation situations. 





There are no secrets. There are no second thoughts. There are no assumptions. This ties in with communication. Both partners should never have to read each other minds. Verbal and physically communication =transparency. There are no lies. He's clear on his feelings for you and you know exactly where you stand in his life. And he tells you everyday.